This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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