At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
