Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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