I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you would pick up someone in the library
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
