dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
