My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
