One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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