I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
