Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
