my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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