I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
