I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And then he peed in my hair
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