Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
