i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
