Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it hurts more in the daytime
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
