i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
