I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
