dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
