closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
