I looked at my own cervix.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
