Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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