Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
