did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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