I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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