If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
