OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
