i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
