Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
