does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
