just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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