I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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