dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm too high and old for this...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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