If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
even my farts smell like vagina
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
