man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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