and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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