mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
