Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
