I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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