I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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