1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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