HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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