Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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