Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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