In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
