If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
