i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We are all done wearing pants today
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
