I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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