good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
