I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
