I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
