I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
