Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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